LOST: Black Tweezerman Tweezers. Last seen in Sara's living room three weeks ago. If found please return to the two hairy caterpillers residing on Sara's forehead.
LOST: Sara's Keys, along with numerous scan cards. If found, please do not turn into public library, as Sara owes them $23 in late fees. Also please do not return keys to her gym, as they will not know who she is.
LOST: Family Law Notes. Vanished two weeks ago. No reward offered. No desire for them to be returned. May have been lost on purpose.
FOUND: Numerous extra pounds around Sara's middle. Please call if interested. Willing to deliver the lard directly to you.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
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