An unidentified female albino, also known as an albina, has been spotted at several North Raleigh locations in recent days. She has been described as a pleasantly plump brunette with shockingly pasty skin. Although she is said to be mild-mannered and only temperamental in morning hours, authorities are warning residents to avoid direct eye contact with the albina's skin.
"We've had numerous reports of near blindness from people who have had prolonged eye exposure of the albina's skin," said Officer Coppertone, of the city's police department. "With the weather getting warmer, more and more of the albina's skin will be exposed. Which in turn will lead to potentially more gawking from onlookers. Unless we get this girl in the sun, we're could have a potential medical disaster on our hands."
Several patrons at Dillard's department store had the misfortune of having to see a partial view of the albina's buttock's when an apparent rip formed in her jeans. "At first I just thought I was seeing white underpants. But then I realized that it was the albina's backside," said 80-year old Mildred Shoemaker. "I nearly thought I was seeing the big white light at the end of the eternal tunnel."
The mortified albina was seen minutes later fleeing the Triangle Town Centre Mall with an orange sweatshirt around her waist. She was reported to be very disappointed that she was unable to obtain a salted pretzel with cream cheese from "Auntie Anne's Pretzels." But her apparrant embarrassment outweighed her need for a delicious mall snack.
New rumors have surfaced surrounding the fact that the albina may indeed be doing something about her condition, including tanning at her gym. Now if only the albina would get to the gym.
"We've had numerous reports of near blindness from people who have had prolonged eye exposure of the albina's skin," said Officer Coppertone, of the city's police department. "With the weather getting warmer, more and more of the albina's skin will be exposed. Which in turn will lead to potentially more gawking from onlookers. Unless we get this girl in the sun, we're could have a potential medical disaster on our hands."
Several patrons at Dillard's department store had the misfortune of having to see a partial view of the albina's buttock's when an apparent rip formed in her jeans. "At first I just thought I was seeing white underpants. But then I realized that it was the albina's backside," said 80-year old Mildred Shoemaker. "I nearly thought I was seeing the big white light at the end of the eternal tunnel."
The mortified albina was seen minutes later fleeing the Triangle Town Centre Mall with an orange sweatshirt around her waist. She was reported to be very disappointed that she was unable to obtain a salted pretzel with cream cheese from "Auntie Anne's Pretzels." But her apparrant embarrassment outweighed her need for a delicious mall snack.
New rumors have surfaced surrounding the fact that the albina may indeed be doing something about her condition, including tanning at her gym. Now if only the albina would get to the gym.
Ok, did this really happen to you?!?! Poor thing! About the tan, I am debating trying a spray on tan before Shanna's wedding. Am a little nervous though because I've never done it before... A spray tan virgin.
ReplyDeletepfff, I would've gotten a pretzel come hole or high water!
ReplyDelete